


God Knows I Tried

by MissWidow



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 13:51:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16662163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissWidow/pseuds/MissWidow
Summary: When the explosion happened in Overwatch's Switzerland base there was one more person stuck in that building, Jack's fiance, Amaya. She somehow managed to survive, but there was one problem: she had lost her memory **I listened to the song God Knows I Tried by Lana Del Rey when writing this!**





	God Knows I Tried

     She cracked her eyes open slowly and tried to blink. Everything was muffled, every noise, her movement was slow and when she tried to groan no sound came from her burning throat. She tried to focus her vision, and her mind, but everything was black. She could vaguely hear the sounds of things falling, burning, people yelling.

     “Jack?! Gabe, Amaya, where are you?!” She heard a woman yell out and furrowed her eyebrows. _Who are Jack and Gabe? Who is Amaya?_ She questioned to herself and when she tried to cry out for help, sound still refused to leave her mouth.

     “Please! Just answer us! Let us know where you are!” She heard the woman continue to cry out desperately.

     “I need help; someone please help me…” The battered woman lying on the floor continued to try to call out but to no avail.  

     “Angela! I found her, I found Amaya!” She heard a man call out and felt someone gently grab her arm. She wheezed out a sound of pain and tried to move her burning arm away from the man. He quickly let go and hovered over her while he waited for Angela.

     “It’s okay Amaya, it’s Jesse, darlin’. Just relax and don’t move.” He murmured, not sure what to do with his hands as Angela slowly made her way through the burning building over to them.

     “Who…is…Amaya?” The woman wheezed out as tears started to gather in her eyes. “Please help me, I can’t see.” She stuttered out and felt around for the man she did not know.

     Jesse stared at her in confusion and shock, did she not remember him? How did she not know her own name? He began to worry his lip as Angela finally reached them, Amaya had passed out again by the time she got there.

     “She doesn’t remember me, Angela, she doesn’t remember her own name.” He said to Angela in worry, glancing around in the hopes of maybe finding Jack and Gabe as well.

     “She must have experienced head trauma; it is not uncommon for people with head trauma to experience memory loss. Her memory may come back to her.” Angela whispered sadly as she leaned down and began to gently check Amaya’s vitals. 

     The woman was badly injured and in a critical state. She had burns all over her body and Jesse was currently trying to remove a beam off of her legs. She placed her fingers gently on her throat, trying to avoid the burns on her skin, as Jesse grabbed her attention again.

     “She said she couldn’t see.” Jesse said and Angela furrowed her eyebrows as she sighed.

     “Depending on the trauma she may never see again. Come, we must take her now, she doesn’t have much time.” She said and helped him gently pick up Amaya.

     “What about Jack and Gabe?” He asked and continued to look around for them.

     “We do not have time to continue the search!” She snapped desperately as she tugged on Jesse’s sleeve to get him to start walking with her. As she saw the doubt remain on his face she softened her own expression. “Jesse, Jack would _want_ us to save her, he would never forgive us if we didn’t try, Gabe too.” She said softly and watched as Jesse stopped for a moment before nodding and following after her.

...

     The woman groaned as she woke up, her fingers twitching as she tried to bring her hand to her face. Her entire body was sore and she froze as she opened her eyes, seeing only blackness. She quickly brought her hands to her face as she gasped. She tried rubbing her eyes to clear her vision, but it did nothing.

     “Your injuries have made you permanently blind, I am sorry to tell you this.” The woman heard the soft voice of another woman and jumped when she felt two warm, gentle fingers on her throat.

     “I…who are you, where am I?” She asked quietly and the woman was silent for a moment. Then she heard a long sigh.

     “Do you remember your name?” The woman asked, her voice now sounded upset and unsure.

     “Of course! My name is…” She trailed off silently and furrowed her eyebrows. How did she not know her own name? Why couldn’t she remember anything? “Who are you?” She asked again, this time a bit more demanding and apprehensive.

     “She’s the one who saved your ass darlin’ you should be thankful.” She heard the rough voice of a man and quickly turned towards the sound.

     “Hush, McCree! How can you be so insensitive toward your own friends?!” She heard another woman’s voice that had a mothering tone to it and she nearly grinned at her clipped tone, but she wasn’t sure why.

     “Mommy, can I see Amaya now please?!” There was a young girl’s voice and she felt something slightly spark in her mind. She tried to desperately connect it, bring it to the forefront of her mind, but no matter what she did it wouldn’t work.

     “I’m sorry you three, but I think you must go, she just woke up. Her body isn’t ready for this type of stress yet.” The first woman’s voice said and Amaya began to wish she could see again, the thought of eternal blackness finally hitting her.

     “Amaya, that is my name?” She asked quickly, wanting to turn to any other train of thought besides her vision, or lack thereof. 

     “Yes, of course, silly! Why would it be anything else?!” The little girl giggled out and made a noise of protest shortly after.

     “Be quiet, Fareeha!” The woman scolded who Amaya assumed was her daughter. Amaya tried to smile and managed a small one in the general direction the voices were coming from.

     “It’s alright, perhaps she can help me. I’m assuming she doesn’t know?” Amaya asked gently towards the people she apparently once knew. She felt her gut clenching in regret and sympathy for these people who most likely cared for her, but now she could not return the sentiment.

     Jesse gulped as Amaya turned a smile toward them, for a moment it was like nothing was wrong. For a moment he could fool himself into thinking that Jack and Gabe would come walking through the door, arguing over this or that, Jack walking over to Amaya to kiss her cheek and scold her for doing something dangerous without him.

     But then he saw her eyes and was forced back to the reality of the situation, where everything was ruined. Her eyes were now a dull, clouded bluish grey color, the pupil almost completely covered by the color as they seemed to focus on nothing. Those eyes only reminded him that now he had lost the three people he was closest too.

     He felt a hand squeeze his bicep in comfort and he glanced over to see Ana giving him a comforting smile. She saw his pain and understood what he had lost, she did not want the team to lose him too because of his own loss. Jack was her commander, Amaya was like her sister, a big sister figure to her daughter, and, at the very least, Gabe was her friend. They all felt the pain of the loss, even more so when the one person they managed to save they couldn’t quite reach.

…

     “Please, be careful, you should be safe in this town. Winston will always have the coordinates of this home and you have the number to contact him. Please, never hesitate to do so.” Angela said, trying to hold back the tears in her eyes. It had been six months since Amaya woke up and she was as healed as she was going to get. She stood there with the rest of her friends watching as Amaya faced the house that was now hers.

     She regretted not being able to save her memory, to save the friendship she once had with her. They all tried so many things to help her remember. In the end they decided it would be probably best that she moved away from them, far away from them, away from the danger they now faced with the banishment of Overwatch.

     “My number’s on there too, love, yah know, just in case.” Lena murmured and Amaya turned around with a smile. 

     “Thank you, Lena, I will contact you if I need any help.” She said politely. At first Amaya was all for trying to bring her memory back, but as time passed and it became clear nothing was working she began to distance herself. She didn’t want to get close to anyone, only for it to ripped away from her again, even if she couldn’t really feel the pain of it.

     “Well, it’s all in there darlin’.” Amaya heard the clipped tone of Jesse’s voice and nodded quickly. He did much the same as she did, she came to understand that she and him once had a close friendship. When she began to pull away he did too, for the same reasons as her.

     “Thank you for the help, Jesse, I hope you guys stay safe as well.” She said to the them. She could hear some of the sniffles a few of them were trying to hide, but she made no indication that she heard them.

     Jesse stood there for a moment and silently stared at her. He knew she could probably tell he was doing it, but he couldn’t help himself. He willed her to remember, practically begged without saying so, in a last ditch effort to get his best friend back. But when she turned to him with a smile, a slight questioning look on her face, he only sighed and turned to leave. He would never see her again after this, but it didn’t matter really, his best friend, the true Amaya, died on the same day as Jack and Gabe.

     Perhaps that was for the best, a world for Jack or Amaya without the other in it was probably incomprehensible to either of them. For Amaya, remembering Jesse would mean remembering Jack too and he didn’t know how well she would have handled that. At least this was probably the least painful way to lose her.

     “Goodbye, Amaya, I hope you find peace and that one day you will remember us.” Genji said and she felt the cool metal of his hand on her shoulder. She grabbed it and smiled softly, pulling the young man into a hug. During those six months Genji had come to help her a lot, having been through a traumatic event of his own just before hers. He helped her come to accept the pain of her loss of sight and memory.

     “Goodbye, I hope you find peace too little sparrow.” She stepped away with a final smile and turned to walk up to the porch of the house, not even realizing what she had said. Genji paused for a moment, but said nothing when he turned away, leading the small group of close friends back to their jet. He could tell she didn’t know what she said, what she just remembered, it was only a ghost of a memory he quickly realized, but it gave him hope that her memory wasn’t lost forever.

...

     “Should we tell him?” Angela, Ana, Lena, and Jesse stood in a small group around Winston, Jesse keeping a look out for Jack. Winston was sat in front of a computer, fiddling with his glasses as they all watched Amaya smile in greeting to the new customer walking into her store.

     It had been nearly 15 years since Overwatch had fallen apart at the seams and Winston was thankful that Amaya had made a life for herself. He kept a vigilant watch on the now older woman as she made a new life for herself, opening a small store that carried medicines and home remedies. _That was always one of her knacks_ , he mused to himself wondering how much of their Amaya was still hidden away in her memory. It was clear that none of her memories had come back to her, but he was not surprised, there was nothing to remind her of them anymore. Well, that was until the return of Jack Morrison.

     When Lena found the man running around, mask on his face and in his old 76 leather jacket they all were happy for his return. Angela apologized profusely for failing to find him in the rubble, they all felt terrible that he had to go through his own recovery on his own. They were all nervous to tell him about Amaya as well, none of them sure how he would take it, but he never asked, so they never told.

     It was obvious that he thought she had passed in the explosion as Gabe did. His formal and gruff behavior, the sad eyes as he walked around the old base in Gibraltar they had decided to reside in once more. He would pause here and there in the rooms and stare at a certain spot, remembering memories that were now painful for him.

     “He deserves to know.” Jesse said shortly as he stared at Amaya for a moment. He had not seen her since that day they left her as she walked into her new home and the mixed emotions swirling around in him did not sit well with him. Jack deserved to know, even if they didn’t want to bring him anymore pain, Jesse knew it would only be more painful for him if they didn’t tell him.

     "I deserve to know what?" They all froze in front of the large computer screen and fell silent. Ana turned to him with a small, nervous smile and took a step toward him.

     "We weren't too sure how to tell you this, Jack." She began and he glared at her, the scars now spreading across his face from the explosion wrinkling with his furrowed brow.

     "You mean you weren't too sure you wanted to tell me?" He accused and Ana looked away with a shameful expression. Jesse quickly stepped in front of Ana to save her from Jack's newly acquired gruff personality and glared at him.

     "Amaya survived the explosion, she's still alive." He said quickly, ignoring the glare that Angela sent his way, and Jack fell silent. He stared at Jesse as a myriad of emotions flickered through his eyes before stepping toward Jesse with a snarl.

     "You're lying, McCree!" He growled and Jesse shook his head, taking a step to the side, using his arm to force Ana to follow him.

     "See for yourself." Was all he said, irritated that Jack thought that he of all people would lie to him about something like this, but then again, he had been under the impression that she was dead for the past 15 years.

     Jack shoved past him roughly and marched up to the screen in front of Winston, ready to deny that whoever they were watching on Winston's blasted computer wasn't Amaya. She wouldn't have left him, she would have waited for him, here, with the rest of them. He knew his Amaya, the promise they shared if one of them was ever lost to the other.

     But he could only stare at the screen in shock and pain as he watched the woman talk animatedly to her customer. She looked just like she did before he "died", only a bit older.

     "So, what? She just decided to forget about all of us?" He asked quietly, he couldn't tear his eyes away from the screen no matter how much he wanted to.

     "She didn't have a choice, Jack." Angela responded to his enquiry just as quietly and Jack managed to turn to see there was a pained expression on her face as well, in fact they all had one. He raised an eyebrow at the five of them in question, refusing to allow himself to look at the screen behind him.

     "The accident messed her up real bad." Jesse said shortly and Jack gave him an exasperated look while Ana gave him a slight shove of scolding.

     "She suffered a large amount of head trauma in the explosion, it caused her to lose her memories." Ana elaborated for Jack and he took a step back in surprise. The backs of his thighs hitting the computer desk caused him to turn around and stare at the screen again. That was when he noticed something was off, she wasn't looking at the customer as she ran her hand down the aisle's tags, she appeared to be staring off into space as she smiled and pointed something out to the customer.

     "What's wrong with her?" He asked shortly and Jesse raised an eyebrow.

     "We just told you, she lost her-" He began but Jack cut him off with a glare.

     "No, there's something else wrong, tell me what it is!" He growled and Jesse looked away, he didn't want to tell Jack that she was now blind. He knew that Jack would only blame himself for her injuries.

     "I cannot know for sure, but I am assuming at some point in the explosion a flash of flame hit her eyes. I was able to repair the skin around her eyes so that there would be no scarring but the damage done to her eyes was irreversible." Angela told him in a factual tone, it was the best way she knew to keep her emotions at bay, his too.

     Jack continued to stare at the screen blankly while he tried to get a grip on his emotions. He was happy, sad, excited, hell, he even felt like crying, and he didn't know what to do with himself. He wanted to run to wherever she was and hug her to him as close as he possibly could, but then he remembered it would only scare her. _She doesn't remember me..._

     Flashes of their past flew through his mind, every smile, giggle, the twinkle in her eyes that he worked so hard to gain from her. She doesn't remember any of it, all because of him. _And Gabe_ he corrected himself with a growl. He had gone over that night so many times it gave him a migraine just thinking about it anymore. He told the others it was Gabe's fault and left it at that. He didn't want to go into the details. He could still remember as clear as day Amaya screaming at them both, begging them to stop fighting. He couldn't count how many times he wished he would have listened to her.

     "You should go see her." Jack turned at the sound of Genji's voice, but didn't say anything to the middle aged ninja. "She called me little sparrow the day we parted ways with her. Your voice and presence could potentially bring back some of her memory."

     "You didn't tell us this?!" Jesse asked angrily, marching up to the half robot and shoving him on the shoulder. Genji made no movement to retaliate, knowing how angry they would be with him when he finally did tell them. He felt guilty for a long time, but when he met Zenyatta, he helped Genji understand why the choice he made at that time was the right one.

     "Everything we tried was not helping her, only causing all of us pain, including her. She did not even realize what she said. I knew if I told any of you, you would to stay with her and keep trying. She deserved to find peace and happiness, a chance to create new memories if her old ones would not come back to her." Genji explained quietly, but he already knew McCree wouldn't accept his answer.

     “It's okay, Genji, we understand, you were right in your decision.” Ana said with a reassuring tone and for a moment Genji wished he could send a smile her way, ever the mother she was.

     “It's okay?!” Jesse growled and glared at Ana before glaring at Genji. “You had no right makin’ that decision for us!”

     “I am sorry, Jesse,” he replied calmly, it was all he could offer him. McCree scoffed and turned away from him with a wave of his hand.

     “It does not matter now, what's done is done.” Angela said shortly and turned to Jack. “When do you want to go, Jack?”

     “As soon as possible.” Was all he said before leaving the room in silence.

...

     It had been so long since Jack truly felt nervous, not since the day that Amaya had joined the team. Now here he was again, standing in front of the door to her shop, nervous as hell and not quite sure what to do.

     “Well, are you coming in or what?” Jack jumped in surprise at the sudden voice. He gulped when the face he had been aching to see for the past 15 years was now smiling at him. “I'm sorry to scare you, my cashier saw you just standing here and you were making her nervous.” Amaya said with an amused expression on her face.

     It was almost like she hadn't changed at all and he had to try his hardest to not hug her to him. He gave a grunt in reply and quickly walked into the small shop, not quite ready to say anything yet.

     “So, are you looking for anything in particular or just here to peruse?” Amaya asked with a small smirk. Having been without sight for so long now she had tuned and perfected her other senses. She could feel his nerves from a mile away.

     “I uh, shoulder pain.” He managed to get out and she smiled brightly at him. He quickly looked away from her face and saw the cashier giving him a funny look out of the corner of his eye. He wondered how strange this must look to someone who didn't know what was going on.

     “Of course, I have plenty of things for muscle pain!” She said and she was off. He watched in amazement as she darted through the store, a hand touch here and there to assure herself she was going in the right direction but he suspected that she didn't even need that.

     He quickly made his way over to her when she paused in front of some bottles, running her fingers over the tags to find the one she was looking for. She handed it to him with a smile and he sucked in his breath when her hand touched his. She froze for a moment before pulling her hand away and furrowing her brow at him.

     “Have we…met before? Your voice sounds awfully familiar.” She asked curiously and he stared quietly at her for a moment, trying to figure out what he should say.

     “Yes, we have, Maya.” He said quietly and she paused again as her eyes widened slightly. She took a small step back from him, confusion written across her face.

     “Is your name Jack? It feels like it is…” She asked and he took a step closer to her.

     “And why would you guess that?” He asked with baited breath, hoping Genji was right, hoping that she remembered him.

     “I…I’ve been having these dreams lately of a man named Jack, his voice sounded a lot like yours. Maybe lighter…younger, I'm not sure.” She said and he sighed slightly, she didn't remember him, not really.

     “You know, before the explosion this used to be your specialty, you barely let us use prescription medication, said they were toxic despite Angela constantly reassuring you.” He said with a slight chuckle and a shake of his head.

     “You…what?” She breathed out in surprise and he sighed again.

     “My name is Jack Morrison, I was a part of Overwatch before it was ruined.” He said shortly, he didn't think it was right to tell her anymore than that.

     “Oh, I…I'm sorry, I'm sure you came here for a reunion of some sort, but I don't remember any of it.” She said quickly and took another step away from him. He wanted to follow her every movement, but he kept his distance, even if every movement was a new jab to his heart.

     “You called Genji Sparrow.” He said and she paused again in confusion.

     “What?”

     “The day they gave you your new home, you called Genji Sparrow when saying goodbye to him. That was what you used to call him. You used to comfort him when his older brother was giving him a hard time and you would call him your little sparrow. He was like a little brother to you. When his accident happened and he nearly died, you kept yourself locked in our room for three days, nothing I did could convince you to come out.” _And the day you did finally decided to come out you nearly died_ , he said to himself, but didn't think she would take that part too well.

     “Our?” She asked in confusion and he nearly wanted to smack himself.

     “We were together before the accident.” He mumbled out quickly and she looked away, a small blush on her cheeks. He felt slight frustration at this, _his_ Amaya would never be ashamed or embarrassed of this fact, she was proud to be his fiancé and stood by his side through everything. But he knew this wasn't her fault, if it was anyone's it was his.

     “Oh,” was all she managed to get out. Amaya wasn't sure how she should respond to that bit of news. She felt even worse for not remembering this man, it was clear that he cared for her, she could hear it in his voice.

     “I'm sorry to bother you, we…no, I thought maybe if I came here that maybe it would stir something in your memory.” Jack said with a sigh and Amaya tilted her head, before narrowing her eyes slightly.

     “Has Winston been watching me?! That would be just like him!” She grumbled out and then froze in surprise. How would she know that? She heard Jack shift slightly across from her. She smiled slightly at the small bit of herself that came back to her and turned her smile to Jack.

     “You helped me remember something.” She supplied and she felt the air the change around them. It felt lighter, less depressing.

     “I should probably go.” Jack said carefully after a few moments in silence. Truth be told he didn't want to leave, not really, but he couldn't ignore the pain in his chest and the slight feeling of jealously that she remembered something of Winston and not him.

     “Will you come back and visit again?” She asked softly as he turned to leave and he paused a moment in shock. “I would really like to try and remember you, I feel…better, happier around you. It wasn't so hard to remember something, perhaps I can remember more?” She explained further and Jack smiled a bit to himself, something he hadn't done in 15 years since that day.

 


End file.
